Molly passed away on 6/5/05 at 4pm in my loving arms. She was 11˝ years old. After developing a round feb that I now know was an immune deficiency disorder, she began to develop other aliments as a result of the IDD on top of her eye, ears, teeth tarter problems. At first, I thought it was her food, so I changed to the most healthy food I could find for her. In March, she developed a thyroid condition. Her hair did not grow long and silky.

In April, she was put on an antibiotic to control her foot pad and ear infection. She was diagnosed with chronic dry eye. In mid May, she was put on prednisone to control her skin infection, to help heal all the scabbing to get her hair to grow back. At first, I thought the prednisone was the magic pill because Molly was beginning to look better, walk better, had more energy, and was able to climb the stairs a a little better although very slowly. She was eating a little better, although her stools were a little loose at first. Then Wednesday of last week, I noticed that Molly was beginning to pant. I thought she was hot, so I adjusted the A/C in my apartment to make her feel comfortable. Even at rest, she was panting some.

Saturday morning, around 9:30 or 10am, I carried Molly outside so that she could do her stuffs. She did a wonderful job of walking almost back to the entrance to the complex building when she reached a slight incline in the grass. She tried a couple of steps and her back legs collapsed in weakness. I picked her up and rushed her in to the vet. The vet did a blood test and diagnosed her with diabetes, possible liver failure and kurtosis. Her sugar level was in the 500 range when it should have been in the 100 range. The vet said to feed Molly grilled fat free, boneless chicken breast to get her protein levels back up because she had hardly eaten anything in over 10 hrs or so. Her water consumption was decreasing. The vet said Molly needed to return Sunday at 2pm to check her progress. Molly ate a chicken breast and a half. She loved it. That was her last meal of her life.

At 5am on Sunday morning, Molly's breathing became increasingly labored. I got up in a rush, carried her outside because she really had to go pee pees because of the diuretic she was given. She felt a little better. I brought her back inside and placed her on the bed. She was tossing and turning all night and could not get comfortable, and neither could mommy. I did not want to think that Sunday would be her last day.

I woke up at around 10am Sunday and took Molly outside again. Around 12:00 or so, I grilled another chicken breast for Molly and put it in a plate on the floor, and she refused to touch it. I left the plate there just in case she decided to eat it. I got her water bowl and poked and prodded her to drink and finally she drank some. I took her outside about 12:30 or 1, she did pee pees and her urine looked an orange color which I had not seen before. I was very alarmed at that point. I left my place at 1:49pm to go the vet. I was at the vet for about 2 hours. When the vet saw her, she said Molly looked weaker than the day before. Starting this past week, her gums and tongue and belly looked increasingly paler. She did not resist at all when I put her on the exam table. She would lie on her side. Her heart was beating fast and her sides ere sunken in. She was struggling with her labored breathing. She did not have cancer. The vet checked her blood pressure, compressed her tummy to see if she was in pain and Molly did not whimper. She no longer looked at me nor responded to me when I wanted her to give me a little kiss. She gave me kissies Saturday night while on the sofa with me when I was crying. She tried to lick my eyes clean of the tears rolling down my cheeks. I cried so hard that I was about to hyperventilate. The vet left me alone with Molly for awhile so I could hug her, cry on her and give her many kisses that she was not able to give me. Molly passed away in my arms and lap, wrapped in her favorite down blanket. When I felt her little heart stop beating, I lost it. I just unloaded. I did not want to let her go ... I held her warm body in my arms for 20 minutes or so after she passed away. I decided private cremation with her blanket.

When I pick her up one final time, I decided that I will scatter her ashes in that favorite area along the river where she gravitated towards when she wanted to swim and play - when the time is right. She was my life, my everything. My life revolved around her. I dedicated 11˝ years of my life to her. She was the only family I had. I even changed my work hours and lived close to work to make sure I could get home to be with her. When I was not working, everywhere I went, Molly was by my side. She loved car rides. She was so patient on the long car rides. She loved to swim, to come with me when I played tennis. She loved to run after tennis balls. She loved to chase after leaves in the spring and summer. She had a shy, quiet demeanor about her but had a social side that would make your heart melt. She would come with me to play tennis every Friday night and I would put her in a grassy area so she could watch me play That grassy area had a slope to it overlooking the courts. When I sat with her before I went to go play tennis, she loved when I pushed her so that she would roll over on her side or her back and slide down the hill because she loved the feel of grass on her back. She wiggled her little body around as she slide down that hill. It was so funny. Everyone who saw this smiled and chuckled. Even people playing on the courts saw this.

Molly was so friendly and sweet, from the oldest person to the youngest child, she was so accepting to meet others. In all her life, she never bit one person. She wanted to so much to please and be on her best behavior. She was so smart. She loved to cock her head when I asked her, “Molly, what are you going to do?” or after taking her outside, I would ask her, “Molly, better?” She shook her collar to let me know that she felt better. I even asked her if she wanted to go play tennis with me and she got all excited especially when she saw me get dressed and get my bag ready. At night, I would tell Molly it was time for nite nite and she would get up from her bed in the living room and come walking in the bedroom and I would pick her up and put her on the bed and get her all comfortable with all her toys. Her pillows had to be arranged a certain way. She liked to be in the middle with pillows surrounding her. She rarely barked except to alert me when someone was at the door or when she saw a chipmunk go up a tree or run across the ground.

She was introduced to swimming in the ocean in 1996. After that, she craved the moments she could go for a swim when I asked her, “Molly, would you like to go for a swim?” she got all excited. I broke some rules. For instance, when everyone left the pool at night at my apt complex, I would sneak Molly down to the pool, throw the tennis ball in the pool and she would jump in or rather slid in the pool to go get it. She would go back and forth from one end of the pool to the other to get the tennis ball. She did not want to get out. She was probably cleaner that some people who went down there to swim. She was a neat and clean dog just like mommy.

I would take her for walks at a park along the river. One area of the park that she especially loved was where all the big dogs loved to play and swim. She wanted so much to be a part of their play group even if they jumped in and got the tennis ball before she could. She would turn around and I would throw the tennis ball in the water again and again. She gravitated towards that area all the time I brought her there. One time, I reluctantly, under mommy's watchful eyes, let her go out and swim and she just swam around in circles for about 30-45 minutes straight! I called her “propeller butt.” She had so much energy. Her ears floated on top of the water, it was so cute.

One time in 1995, I went to Florida alone and had a friend watch Molly for a week. Molly had separation anxiety and put holes in my sofa and in the carpet because she wanted out to come look for me. I did not care about the holes in the sofa, I just covered them up with a slipcover. After that incident, I vowed myself never to leave Molly alone again except in rare cases I had to board her which I hated.

I think Molly is sensing the loss and grief I am experiencing and wanted to try and calm me and to help me fall asleep. She was and will remain always my guardian angel. She protected me. Alerted me to everything. She always had her eye on me. Even last week, when I was making dinner, she managed to get up and walk into the kitchen so she could get a little nibble of something. That was so hard for her to get up but she wanted to just to see where I was.

I had a Christmas cactus plant outside on my patio that produced one beautiful fuchsia bloom that I had never seen before in June ... That bloom lasted all last week and died this past Monday. I think that was natures way of honoring Molly. I really think God had a hand in it ... Molly almost killed that plant once because I would have that plant out where she could reach it and she decided it was time for a little succulent snack. I nursed the plant back to health and it is very big now.

So in loving memory of my beloved Molly, she will never leave my side, my devotion to her will remain strong for the rest of my life. My little shadow, MollyDoodle, will always follow me, lie at my feet and will come looking for people food with that head cocked or whimper for me to give in to give her something. I almost always did. I will have her bed ready, nice, clean and warm, with all her favorite toys, with a full bowl of fresh water and food everyday. My God bless her for all eternity for the unconditional love she gave me. My heart is crying, my routine with her broken, the emptiness in my place without her makes me so sad. She is with my dad now, where he
will comfort her and make her better again.

I will see you in heaven one day MollyDoodle, just don't go running off again to go for that unexpected swim in excitement to see me. Tears and hugs for you my beautiful girl.

Love, mommy.



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